Hollywood - Appearing on the Tonight Show last night, Chest Notgerman, Neo-Whig candidate for president who was just named as the "world's most eligible bachelor" by Playgirl Magazine, told host Jay Leno that after he is elected the position of First Lady will be filled on a "rotating basis."
"I think I'll keep three or four gals on tap for the job," said Notgerman. "They'll be a White House First Lady for state dinners and whatnot; a Western White House First Lady for when I'm on vacation at my bachelor pad in Vail; and an Air Force One First Lady for all of my travelling. I'll probably rotate them on a regular basis because I know they'll all want to be part of the Mile High Club."
Notgerman then sought to reassure the social-conservative wing of the Neo-Whig Party by reminding them that he is single and therefore entitled to have as many girlfriends as possible. "Like my great-grandfather always said, 'If you ain't tied the knot, you better get it while it's hot,'" said Notgerman to an obviously amused Leno. Notgerman concluded his appearance with an emotional appeal to the nation's swinging singles, which he says are the "forgotten heroes" of the American nation.
"Swinging singles are the backbone of this great nation of ours," said Notgerman as he choked back tears. "Married persons are always trying to get out of work with lame excuses about their children being sick, or refusing to work overtime because they claim they have to attend PTA meetings. It's the swinging singles who have to pick up the slack. And the swinging singles are the ones who are driving the economic recovery. They're the ones out there spending money while married couples sit at home and play canasta."
In related news, the Notgerman Campaign announced today that after the Neo-Whig candidate is elected his first official act will be to sign an executive order rescinding Mother's Day and Father's Day and replacing them with Bachelorette's Day and Bachelor's Day.�
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