Sioux City, Iowa - Chanting "four more beers," students at Sioux City Community College gave Neo-Whig Presidential candidate Chest Notgerman a 10-minute standing ovation when he announced that if elected he will make happy hour (4-8pm) mandatory at all bars in America.
"Americans are the hardest working people in the world," said Notgerman. "And they deserve half-price drinks when they get off work for the day."
The Notgerman happy hour plan, entitled "Leave No Bar Behind," has received the enthusiastic support of the AASK, the American Association of Saloon Keepers. "Chest Notgerman is the greatest thing that has ever happened to the adult beverage industry," said Sam "Smitty" Smith, President of AASK. "And we aren't going to quit now. The AASK won't stop until wet t-shirt contests and dwarf-tossing receive the constitutional protection that they so richly deserve."
Credit Card Debt? Really?
Everyday we hear the same thing from the same people. "If only we could get out of our credit card debts." And when we say the same people... we mean ALL PEOPLE.
Why are you living our lives like we are the United States Government? Why are you spending money we do not have? Are you complete morons? We think so.
Sure, we remember when we got our first credit card. We were huge then! We could fill up our gas tanks then turn around at get a whole meal at Long John Silvers. The world was our oyster and that wasn't even on the menu. But then we got that first bill and it hurt badly in the rectum area. So it slowed us down a bit. Just enough until we were invited with some friends to Cabo and we just didn't have enough extra cash lying around. Wow, did we max that baby out or what? That's going to take a while to pay off.
Hmmm, but since it's already maxed. How about just getting the limit raised a bit and getting that TV we always wanted.
And from there, we are morons.
Personally, we think if you're going to operate your life like a small country, then others should have the right to invade and take over. Maybe your neighbor likes your lawn better than his. He can invade and if he wins, you are living in the next city over as a refugee trying to reassemble your forces. What a lesson to be learned huh?
It doesn't matter what state you're in. Utah, California or Texas debt consolidation is a serious thing for everyone. If you're living your life like a third world country, it's time to get it back to the greatness it once had.
It's also a good think to stop trading with Iran. Your neighbors might look down upon that.
Why are you living our lives like we are the United States Government? Why are you spending money we do not have? Are you complete morons? We think so.
Sure, we remember when we got our first credit card. We were huge then! We could fill up our gas tanks then turn around at get a whole meal at Long John Silvers. The world was our oyster and that wasn't even on the menu. But then we got that first bill and it hurt badly in the rectum area. So it slowed us down a bit. Just enough until we were invited with some friends to Cabo and we just didn't have enough extra cash lying around. Wow, did we max that baby out or what? That's going to take a while to pay off.
Hmmm, but since it's already maxed. How about just getting the limit raised a bit and getting that TV we always wanted.
And from there, we are morons.
Personally, we think if you're going to operate your life like a small country, then others should have the right to invade and take over. Maybe your neighbor likes your lawn better than his. He can invade and if he wins, you are living in the next city over as a refugee trying to reassemble your forces. What a lesson to be learned huh?
It doesn't matter what state you're in. Utah, California or Texas debt consolidation is a serious thing for everyone. If you're living your life like a third world country, it's time to get it back to the greatness it once had.
It's also a good think to stop trading with Iran. Your neighbors might look down upon that.
YOU MIGHT BE A POLITICIAN IF:
If you can divulge classified information to the New York Times without fear of government prosecution, you might be a politician.
You might be a politician if you can take a government oath with your fingers crossed.
If you can spend at least five minutes not answering a simple yes or no question, you might be a politician.
You praise the benefits of a public school education but send your own children to private school.
You spend $315M for a job that pays $125K.
You can stand being in the same room with Hillary Clinton.
You can avoid the airport rules you helped write.
You're able to take paid time off to apply for a higher paying job and still keep your old job if you don't get it.
You can say, "My esteemed colleague" or "My friend from Indiana", and be lying through your teeth.
You got your last job by claiming to be a leader and then blame everyone else for your ineffectiveness.
You've never held a real job.
If you can say you support the troops and then withhold equipment they need, you're an asshole.
If you want illegal aliens to have more rights than Americans, you might be a politician.
Your net worth goes from $150K to $28M in six years or less.
You can be a former KKK member and accuse other people of being racist.
Your last name is Kennedy.
Your first $10K investment in the stock market returns $1.8M.
If your job gives you a Christmas break, Easter break, Thanksgiving break, Summer recess, Labor Day recess, Presidents Day recess, Spring break, expense paid trips to exotic places, boxes of little Capitol Hill key chains, an apartment in Washington, D.C, invitation to a different cocktail party every night, free haircuts, a limo driver for your government provided vehicles, and the best health coverage money taxpayer money can buy, you might be a politician.
If you're afraid of what a media outlet may say or think about you, you might be a politician.
If you can get free tickets to any major sporting event and not report them on your income tax, you may be a politician.
If you have a tan and comb over, you might be a politician.
You take delight in criticizing and/or embarrassing the U.S. military.
You can get someone a top paying national security job because they gave you $2M.
You were the last person to be seen with a reported missing woman and still not be a suspect.
You can write a document that the majority of Americans can't understand.
You're in your job because you were the least offensive person available.
You can claim you're busy doing the people's work and yet find time to write a book or two.
You can thank God for helping you write legislation to remove the word 'God' from the 'Pledge of Allegiance'.
You can get a special IRS tax reduction provision for a friend of yours.
You believe Tom Delay's reason for resigning from Congress.
You've never passed a lie detector test.
You were born with '666' tattooed on your scalp.
You have different definitions for politics and bribery.
If you favor illegal immigration but decline to sponsor an immigrant family because you say you can't afford to pay for their health and car insurance, food and housing, and schooling for their kids, you're definitely a politician.
You might be a politician if you can take a government oath with your fingers crossed.
If you can spend at least five minutes not answering a simple yes or no question, you might be a politician.
You praise the benefits of a public school education but send your own children to private school.
You spend $315M for a job that pays $125K.
You can stand being in the same room with Hillary Clinton.
You can avoid the airport rules you helped write.
You're able to take paid time off to apply for a higher paying job and still keep your old job if you don't get it.
You can say, "My esteemed colleague" or "My friend from Indiana", and be lying through your teeth.
You got your last job by claiming to be a leader and then blame everyone else for your ineffectiveness.
You've never held a real job.
If you can say you support the troops and then withhold equipment they need, you're an asshole.
If you want illegal aliens to have more rights than Americans, you might be a politician.
Your net worth goes from $150K to $28M in six years or less.
You can be a former KKK member and accuse other people of being racist.
Your last name is Kennedy.
Your first $10K investment in the stock market returns $1.8M.
If your job gives you a Christmas break, Easter break, Thanksgiving break, Summer recess, Labor Day recess, Presidents Day recess, Spring break, expense paid trips to exotic places, boxes of little Capitol Hill key chains, an apartment in Washington, D.C, invitation to a different cocktail party every night, free haircuts, a limo driver for your government provided vehicles, and the best health coverage money taxpayer money can buy, you might be a politician.
If you're afraid of what a media outlet may say or think about you, you might be a politician.
If you can get free tickets to any major sporting event and not report them on your income tax, you may be a politician.
If you have a tan and comb over, you might be a politician.
You take delight in criticizing and/or embarrassing the U.S. military.
You can get someone a top paying national security job because they gave you $2M.
You were the last person to be seen with a reported missing woman and still not be a suspect.
You can write a document that the majority of Americans can't understand.
You're in your job because you were the least offensive person available.
You can claim you're busy doing the people's work and yet find time to write a book or two.
You can thank God for helping you write legislation to remove the word 'God' from the 'Pledge of Allegiance'.
You can get a special IRS tax reduction provision for a friend of yours.
You believe Tom Delay's reason for resigning from Congress.
You've never passed a lie detector test.
You were born with '666' tattooed on your scalp.
You have different definitions for politics and bribery.
If you favor illegal immigration but decline to sponsor an immigrant family because you say you can't afford to pay for their health and car insurance, food and housing, and schooling for their kids, you're definitely a politician.
Is It Safe For Americans To Travel To Israel?
So the economy is turning around right? Of course it is... they said so. What better way to celebrate all the money we're going to have again then by planning a totally awesome vacation. Right?
But where do you go? Pack up the kids and head to Disneyland? Grab a tent and head to Yellowstone? Grab your surgical masks and head overseas? So many choices, what is the best for you? How about Israel?
Now hold on... you're already thinking "Hey! Aren't we going to get all dead and stuff if we head over there?" Well, sounds like you're listening to the wrong people. Who are the wrong people? The Government. The US State Dept put a warning for Americans and started preaching the risks of traveling to Israel, the West Bank, and the Gaza Strip. They don't mention the successful trips that take place everyday there. They feel they should just offer up a travel warning and let your fear book your travel plans.
Israel has so many things to visit, things that are once in a life time adventures. Such as Jerusalem, the Wailing Wall, David's Tower, Church of the Holy Sepulchre, site of the discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls, etc. So much to see, so little time. (stay an extra week).
How will I manage all this? Be smart and get some Israeli travel tips before you go. Also check out some Flights to Tel Aviv and see how cheap it really is to go.
So your next vacation, you can go with Johnsons to the Grand Canyon, or you can go on an adventure of a lifetime. You decide... and send us a postcard.
But where do you go? Pack up the kids and head to Disneyland? Grab a tent and head to Yellowstone? Grab your surgical masks and head overseas? So many choices, what is the best for you? How about Israel?
Now hold on... you're already thinking "Hey! Aren't we going to get all dead and stuff if we head over there?" Well, sounds like you're listening to the wrong people. Who are the wrong people? The Government. The US State Dept put a warning for Americans and started preaching the risks of traveling to Israel, the West Bank, and the Gaza Strip. They don't mention the successful trips that take place everyday there. They feel they should just offer up a travel warning and let your fear book your travel plans.
Israel has so many things to visit, things that are once in a life time adventures. Such as Jerusalem, the Wailing Wall, David's Tower, Church of the Holy Sepulchre, site of the discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls, etc. So much to see, so little time. (stay an extra week).
How will I manage all this? Be smart and get some Israeli travel tips before you go. Also check out some Flights to Tel Aviv and see how cheap it really is to go.
So your next vacation, you can go with Johnsons to the Grand Canyon, or you can go on an adventure of a lifetime. You decide... and send us a postcard.
No More Boring Photos
Tired of those boring old online photos? Maybe they just need to be spruced up? I am not talking about spending hundreds on image altering software, I am talking about a free photo effect online website.
Check out PicJoke for online photo frames, photo frame templates, and a huge selection of various ways to make fun photos a lot funnier. They have hundreds of effects and add new effects everyday.
You can also surprise your family and friends by sprucing up their photos. It's a fun and free gift that only takes a few minutes to create. It's hard to find things that are still free online. So when I find a website that doesn't want my money I get a little giddy. Did I just say giddy?
How giddy? Check out some of my pics I made.
Check out PicJoke for online photo frames, photo frame templates, and a huge selection of various ways to make fun photos a lot funnier. They have hundreds of effects and add new effects everyday.
You can also surprise your family and friends by sprucing up their photos. It's a fun and free gift that only takes a few minutes to create. It's hard to find things that are still free online. So when I find a website that doesn't want my money I get a little giddy. Did I just say giddy?
How giddy? Check out some of my pics I made.
As I do, you probably have a hard drive full of photos that are doing nothing but taking up space. Put them to work and make some funny. Show them to your friends and show them how artsy you are. Post them to your blog, print them out and put them on your wall. Get the party started.
Just stop sending me your boring old pictures of your cat. I can't take it anymore. Seriously.
Just stop sending me your boring old pictures of your cat. I can't take it anymore. Seriously.
Rolex GMT-Master replica
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The big question is: how can you search for a model that fits your dream of an ideal watch. It is so simple just login to the websites that display all the watch models and there prices too. Once searching is started you are said to have a good start.
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For every design concept that you have in mind, there is surely a watch in market that will fulfill your requirements. The moment you shake your hand with counter parts don’t you cheer up when their gaze at your vibrant and lively watch on your hand for a second. Wow what a great feeling and pride you have at that moment for the tough decision that you would have made to spend money out of your tight budget for unique dream model. There seems the pleasure of being high in the society just having a Rolex GMT-Master replica watch on your hand.
The big question is: how can you search for a model that fits your dream of an ideal watch. It is so simple just login to the websites that display all the watch models and there prices too. Once searching is started you are said to have a good start.
The unusual designs offered by Rolex Company are best if you want your life style to be outstanding. These designs offer you the ability to create a unique identity when your unique needs are satisfied with unique models that are newly invented in the watch market and you will surely get the effect that you want once you buy this watch.
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